Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
