i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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