Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
