How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize