Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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