is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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