Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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