So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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