They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
