Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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