Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
