I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
