you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
