I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
