Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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