More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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