he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
