Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
