I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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