Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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