Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this beer tastes like vomit already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
