ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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