I need help removing her.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
