I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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