i think my tv is drunk
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
