i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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