well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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