My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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