it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
