I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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