dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They took my balls.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
