can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
