new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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