You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
