Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
