At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
