tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize