Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
