I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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