We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize