you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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