Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
