She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
