I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
