Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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