i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
