I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
