The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
