john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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