NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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