32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
