I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
