do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
