My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
