I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
