you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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