What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
