I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
