And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
