i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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